follow my new tumblr wild-atrocisity.tumblr.com

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follow my new tumblr wild-atrocisity.tumblr.com

i follow back

follow my new tumblr wild-atrocisity.tumblr.com

i follow back

High school made me think I was smart or something, college has made me realize I’m not, and I don’t really have much to add to any field. I have a “mediocre” gpa and have 0% chance of grad school or a job after graduation. I don’t say this because I want people to say “aww, you ARE smart” or “you’ll do better”. I don’t just need confirmation. I don’t believe it. 

I’ve gone through several nice ideas of what I’d like to do after college but I need to just get real and set achievable goals. It makes me laugh thinking about the beginning of high school and me and my best friend would talk about going to these great schools and becoming doctors and whatnot. I want someone just to tell me what I’m meant to do, I don’t even need to be happy doing it, I just want to survive. I want to just be done with this place and these professor’s completely unrealistic expectations. 

I’m just sick of myself. I’m sick of not doing good at ANYTHING. School, relationships, work. Some people aren’t meant to have things work out for them. I’m just like at my breaking point. I want to just be good at something. I need to. 

I’m awkward, stubborn, I don’t learn my lesson. I hate how everyone is all about themselves, and I get screwed over because of one professor not doing his job. I seriously think that college profs need a degree in teaching, not to just be an expert in there field - because for some reason.. they can’t wrap their huge fucking minds around the fact that everyone isn’t an expert in their field as well. 

Can’t wait to graduate so I can go to some community college and get an associates and work a dead-end job for the rest of my life. 

I don’t even know what to do right now. I’ve never felt like this before.. it’s like this intense nervousness/anger/sadness. So.. I don’t know. I guess I’ll go try to sleep and neglect my cognitive neuroscience reading so I can fail a pop quiz that will probably be given tomorrow. but hey, not much different than when I actually am prepared! night.